Wednesday, July 04, 2012

I am a marketing GENIUS!

So, garden gnomes are hot right now. You know, these guys that you place strategically around your yard and gardens:



Their popularity probably has a lot to do with this movie:




Or maybe with the Travelocity gnome:




Personally, I love garden gnomes. I've liked them since 1997, when I saw the movie The Full Monty.




I like them so much that I made this gnome.  With my rudimentary mad knitting skillz:



I also made this gnome.  With my mad gestational skillz: (I made the hat too.  With my mad.... hatational skillz):



And then it hit me: niche markets!  For gnomes!

There already are garden gnomes for zombie fans:  



And garden gnomes for hockey fans:  



I can totally see the next logical niche-market step.  Are you ready for this?  

It's CLASSIC!

Garden gnomes for Toronto Maple Leafs fans:




Because seriously, that team has been the walking (or maybe skating) dead for YEARS.    I tell ya, they'll just sell themselves. 

But that's not all.   How about personalized garden gnomes?

Garden gnomes for Jane Austen fans:



Or, garden gnomes for the 6 to 16-year-old female demographic:




Or, (my personal fave) garden gnomes for the discerning over-30 female demographic (these might be hard to keep in stock):


(You might want to enlarge this one.  Trust me.)

Oh, I haven't forgotten the 9 to 109-year-old male demographic.  For them there's the Scarlett Johansson garden gnomes: 


I just have to check if Madonna has trademarked the cone boobs.


And start looking for venture capital.  Lots and lots of venture capital. :)



25 comments:

  1. I love the "no expense spared" CGI depictions of how your product range would look. I think the Scarlett Johanssen range could be improved by her holding an ice cream cone as well.

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    1. Why thank you. I also possess mad Microsoft Paint skillz. Perhaps I should channel some of the venture capital into acquiring Photoshop. And ice cream cone images. :)

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  2. This is a truly marvellous post. Though I am a little worried you had too much Canada Day juice.

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    1. Thank you Jen. And you probably aren't far off the mark. I'm fairly certain that Scarlett's gnome hat boobs are directly attributable to the gin and tonic.

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  3. You're killing me. But then, Josie might off YOU when she sees those Leafs zombie gnomes. ;-)

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    1. Jo already indicated on FB that she might want a Leafs zombie gnome when the team does its usual choke manouver in December. So, can I put you down for 5 Mr. Darcy gnomes?

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    2. I'd like some Mr. Darcy, some James Bond, and some Mr. Maroon 5 (whose name I forget at this moment).

      I had to come back and reread the brilliance of this post. And maybe look at the photos again.

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  4. There are Zombie gnomes? Who the hell knew? I'll take a couple of those hot gnomes please. You can deliver them to the cottage.

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    1. Yes, there are zombie gnomes. Including a very disturbing tableau of 4 or 5 eating a pink flamingo (I saw those when I googled 'zombie gnomes'). I'll put aside 2 Adam Levines and a Daniel Craig. :)

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  5. Ha! I think you might be on to something. And the Full Monty is my first thought, too, when I see a gnome. Maybe that could be a theme, with a stragetically placed hat??

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    1. Gnaked gnomes?? I never thought of that. :)

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    2. Full Monty, always -- remember the simple assessment of the other guys of the boss guy? One of them goes: "He's got gnomes." And that said it ALL to them. And when he's having his job interview, and they're parading it past the window, and he keeps losing his train of thought? DYING!!!

      Alison, girl, this is one of the funniest posts I have seen on Party of 3, and that's saying a hell of a lot. Love ya!

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    3. Thanks, Gleemonex. (Love the name by the way, I love Kids in the Hall.) I laughed so hard at the gnome/job interview bit, and the line at the unemployment office when the song came on and they were all sort of unconsciously doing the dance steps.

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  6. Maybe you could dress them in Inuit sealskins and sell them as Nome Gnomes?

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    1. Nome gnomes. I like it! Or maybe hip hop gnomes with lots of bling. I could call them 'my gnomies'. Hahahahahaha.

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  7. Wow, this was absolutely hilarious! And a bit creepy. Love the Daniel Craig gnome.

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    1. Thanks for visiting, Pamela! I plan to blanket my yard with Daniel Craig gnomes once the financing comes through.

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    1. I hope so. I have two kids to put through university and a shiraz habit to support.

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  9. OH ALISON....gosh, OK, you know I like to make the gnomes too :) For some reason, a placid looking gnome flipping the bird, well, it just makes sense, like a zombie gnome! I love your knitted gnome.

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    1. I love your gnomes. I felt sorry for the one that Godzilla was munching on. I guess it goes to show that there are some monsters that you shouldn't flip off.

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  10. I believe we could co-market the Hugh Jackman bra and the Daniel Craig garden gnome. We need investors.

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    1. Great idea! One-stop shopping for all your garden statuary and boobie needs. Buy a bra, get a gnome. We market them to over-30 women, along with a special line of yoga pants and wine. And large cardboard cut-outs of Johnny Depp.

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  11. Anonymous4:05 AM

    Hi Alison, I came to you via Mrs G where I lurk a lot. This the funniest post...gotta love those gnomes. Guess I'll be lurking here too now.

    PS I like the photos of Nice too :-)

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Anonymous. I love Mrs. G. And the south of France. A lot.

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